President Cornelius Kerwin is set to announce tomorrow, April 1st, that he will step down as President of American University. Sources tell theeagleblog.com that President Kerwin is admitting to having squandered school funds to live a lifestyle similar to that of former school president Ben Ladner.
“This is another sad chapter in school history,” said one Board of Trustees member who asked to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of their position. “President Kerwin has done so much for the school; sadly we just have yet to find a treasurer who can keep our school’s leaders in check, no pun intended. In all seriousness we have a major crisis awaiting us after Cornelius steps down.”
President Kerwin took over the helm of American University following the forced resignation of then president Ben Ladner who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on inappropriate expenditures including vacations at luxury hotels around the world. The disclosure of Ladner’s lifestyle led to student protests calling for his resignation and change. President Kerwin after serving as the interim president for over a year was deemed as the change AU needed to stay headed on a positive course. Sadly sources tell the Eagle Blog that after officially becoming American’s President, Kerwin quickly began abusing his powers and heading down the same path as Ladner.
While Kerwin has been just as effective, if not more so, in increasing the school’s endowment, all the schmoozing with the rich and powerful apparently led to a desire to live like the rich and powerful. Among the items bought using school funds were a house nicer than former president Ladner’s, a car with a much bigger engine than President Ladner’s, and two years of season tickets to all of Georgetown University’s Men’s Basketball home games, which cost much more than American University’s Men’s Basketball season tickets.
After a weekend of attempts, the Eagle Blog was able to reach President Kerwin for comment. “I am sorry for my actions,” said a solemn Kerwin.
“I do not know how I will even begin to apologize to this community for my actions or the actions of the Eagle Blog for writing such a cruel April Fools Day story; these actions are unfortunate and someone will take this all as legitimate. That is the real shame here I believe. With that said I have no further comment until my press conference Tuesday, April 1st. If you will excuse me I am off to drive my improperly paid for Mercedes one last time. GO EAGLES!”
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