Fear, Greed and the Desire for Power are the cause of incessant conflict in personal relationships and particularly when the relationship the center of a divorce or custody action.
Each has its own traits in litigation to look for and control:
1. FEAR: The biggest fear is that of the unknown. What will happen to me and to our children as a result of this litigation? Will I have a place to live and money to live on? Will the children be with me enough? Will the children be OK when they are with the other parent?
2. GREED: There never seems to be “enough” in divorce and custody cases. There is not enough time with the children, there is never enough money or property to go around.
3. DESIRE FOR POWER: Each party in a Divorce of Child Custody Action wants to be a “Winner.” Each wants to believe that they have power over the other party, whether it be in the form the decision making or time with the children, how much money they give to the other party or the other party takes for support, power to impact the outcome through manipulation, the ability to out finance the other side, or emotional strength to endure to battle.
It is easy to misinterpret someone’s actions or what they say, when any of these three factors come into play. An innocent statement may be interpreted as a “Desire for Power.” This misinterpretation then leads you to the wrong action (or reaction.) For example, You become fearful that the other Parent of your Children is trying to manipulate you and dominate the children’s time when their particular request in a certain situation may be a legitimate one.
Your desire for “more,” whether it be for more time with the children, more money, more assets, and just more attention, is a bottomless pit that can never be filled. Get rid of the “I wants.”
It is almost impossible to stay away from these emotions, particularly when experiencing a custody or divorce action. Just try to recognize when you are experiencing the “Big Three.” Ask yourself if they are the Motivating Factor for your actions. You will have come a long way just by recognizing these emotions, and you will often be able to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing because you are no longer on “automatic pilot.”
Leave these three words out somewhere that you will see them often. Continue to ask yourself, are my actions today motivated by any or all of them? If so, you have a chance to change your behavior and in turn, make life a much better place for you, and most importantly, for your children.
If your motivations are right, the outcome of your Child Custody or Divorce case will also be right and you will be satisfied with it, I guarantee it.
By: Dianne Ophelia